Slow Down
There was sweat beaming down my face as the sun hit my small pale face. There was a bridge right in front of me. As went to go and cross it the bridge suddenly collapses leaving me in mid air and me asking questions like “what will I do when I land? Will I survive this dramatic fall?” Before I knew it I was in the water. I hit the water with a huge splash and hit my head on a small pointy rock. The pain and agony roared in my head like 100 needles being stabbed into me at once. As my head hit the rock all I could think about was me floating in the air on a cloud. If my family. I was wondering if I was ever going to see them again. I could taste slimy discussing fish. I could barley breath which left me felling extremely light headed.
There was sweat beaming down my face as the sun hit my small pale face. There was a bridge right in front of me. As went to go and cross it the bridge suddenly collapses leaving me in mid air and me asking questions like “what will I do when I land? Will I survive this dramatic fall?” Before I knew it I was in the water. I hit the water with a huge splash and hit my head on a small pointy rock. The pain and agony roared in my head like 100 needles being stabbed into me at once. As my head hit the rock all I could think about was me floating in the air on a cloud. If my family. I was wondering if I was ever going to see them again. I could taste slimy discussing fish. I could barley breath which left me felling extremely light headed.
Motorcycle accident
The light of the car went flashing in my eyes as a yellow taxi came spinning toward me. All I could think about was my parents and what they would think of me. I could almost hear them saying “No my daughter! What has happened to her how can I live with this!” without even knowing what happened a huge car came and smashed into me and sent my car flying though the air. Right as my head hit the window I saw another 10 cars all crashed into each other and thought was this all my fault? Then everything went pitch black. I was gone forever.
Good dress ups
ReplyDeleteThis has a good pace. You answered the details and questions ahead of time. The only thing I might suggest to you is to find another way to say "hit" as you mentionned it a little to often.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, I loved "roared in my head like 100 needles being stabbed into me at once."
goood good
ReplyDelete